Log 7
I had a reading done in Truth or Consequences. The morning of, I overheard locals talking about how there are a lot of fake healers in the area. One of them mentioned he’s married to a legitimate healer and I think it might have been the one I met, or at least I hoped.
I don’t know how much stock to put behind making life decisions based on the random-ish selection of cards. I tried pulling what I learned from a game theory class in college but came up empty. If anything, she was kind and gave good life advice. I liked her description of Saturn Return… it’s an opportunity to reflect on the first 30 years of your life and to use what you liked and didn’t like to frame the second 30 years.
I’m overwhelmed by how much life changed at the end of my first 30 years. Almost exactly 3 years ago, my beloved dog died unexpectedly after a short battle with cancer, and then a graduation, a separation, a new job, a move, a chronic health issue, a divorce, another move, a mental breakdown, a job leave and now I’m here. I’m immensely grateful for this experience, but I’m terrified by how quickly life can change. Logically, I understand there’s no amount of control I can enforce to stop it, and yet here I am in a coffee shop in Taos crying about my dead dog.
Of course, this is just a list of the sad things that happened. I also became closer to my family, made the greatest friends, tried new things, met new people, reconnected with myself, changed. On a drive yesterday I was thinking about how there’s no option in life but to move forward. I used to be judgmental of how quickly people jump from other people and experiences, but they’re just doing what they need to continue living. A past version of me would pride herself in holding and analyzing discomfort. Now I recognize that I have to give myself permission to experience joy or stay frozen in grief.
Perfect representation of this post in meme form from Michelle 💖
Downtown ToC
Riverbend Hotsprings 💖
Miss you sweet bean