Log 17
Big Feelings
I’m putting in my two weeks notice tomorrow. There wasn’t a specific trigger. Last Monday I just had this overwhelming feeling of not wanting to do the work anymore, like if I had one more meeting added to my calendar I would literally die. It’s been months of feeling like the work I’m doing is meaningless and feeling physically sick. I spent the evening thinking about how comfortable I am living in indecision limbo, making a false promise to myself that if I just wait a little bit longer, a new solution will come to me and the situation will improve, thinking that I’m being responsible by not doing anything and justifying unhappiness for some theoretical future that never comes to fruition, short term discomfort morphing a long term problem. I’m choosing to enjoy my summer.
One of the hardest things I’m working through is a recurring thought that I’m quitting because it’s the easiest path forward. My therapist would classify this as a “child feeling,” something I imagine my parents saying and need to defend because they never validated my feelings as a child and blah blah blah. It’s a real feeling driven by a false thought. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter whether it’s the easy decision or not. I’m lucky enough to live a life where I don’t need to suffer, so why suffer?
My current plan is to pack up my apartment and spend 6 months to a year deep diving into a couple of cities. I’m hoping to structure it around workshops and classes to feel productive and meet new people. I get caught up in whether I’m making the right decision a lot but I’ve been thinking about how most crafts are products of their environments, like how paper communities developed around water sources. Instead of making the right decision, maybe it’s a matter of picking an environment and letting purpose stem from what grows there. I did ask ChatGPT to put an itinerary together for some inspiration. Budget is questionable but its heart is in the right place.
Slow Software
On a lighter note, I joined a listserv for book arts in the triangle and it’s reminded me how great a simple email list can be, low cognitive load yet effective. I was also happy to find the lower east side website randomly while looking up a restaurant. There’s power in software that builds micro-connections at a local level. I’m not sure humans were built to think at the scale that most social media platforms cover. That’s why sites like Craigslist are still valuable, even Reddit, though the location-specific subreddits are turning into mini NextDoors. Funny story about Reddit – someone’s claimed the “cookout_official” handle and comments on every dating advice post in central NC with something along the lines of “the hotties hang out at cookout.” Anyway, I’d put my money on a Gen Zer starting a “slow software” movement soon.
My Fav Photos from Sam & Naj’s Shitty Dating Show Themed Bday Karaoke
Photo Dump
